A "Spazzy Free-for-All" I like that.
I just stared reading a new book by Elizabeth Gibert and she is quickly becoming my new favorite author. The way she writes and what she has to say seems to be exactly the kind of words that are floating around in my head and I just cant seem to express. A "spazzy free-for-all" for example! what a perfect way to describe my life at this very moment! Everything is just up in the air and so unsure. All the while I have people pulling and tugging at my brittle edges.
Yet she remains calm. Consumed with the idea that there is some sort of balance in the cause. I want to be more like that. I want to find my center. I want to be at peace. Maybe I need to go travel the world for a year. I need to find myself. I want to feel secure and happy and beautiful, just in myself.
Most of all I want to find love. I need a smart, independent, foul mouthed, spiritual, seductive, beautiful guy in my life. I'm so alone. I hate that feeling. Mostly because I know I'm never truly alone. But I want love. I want to give myself to someone who will take me for all that I am and all that I'm not and accept and love me regardless. That's what I want. is that to much to strive for? Should I settle? Why should I? I want the very best and I think I deserve that. I love myself and I know I'm worth it. One day its all going to work out.
Its all gonna be ok...
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