Do you ever wonder if life is limitless? Do we have all the chances in the world or do we eventually run out?
Lately I have been really wondering whether or not I will ever find love again. Ive had the kind of love most people never know in an entire lifetime, so maybe that was my chance... Maybe that was all I get and now I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life! Maybe Ive had my chance to do what I love but I fucked it up. Maybe I've just taken every opportunity and thrown it away without even knowing it...
I feel like my entire life is this constant internal battle. I want so badly to be in love, and I know there are several guys in my life who would die for a chance to be with me. But I never give them that. Is that selfish of me? Is that stupid? Am I just throwing away love when I should be embracing it? When, lets call him guy "A" is all flirty and touchy and I just go along with it, with no real intention of pursuing it, am I tempting fate? Should I just accept that maybe that perfect person isn't out there and I should just settle for what I know I can get?
But I want so much more. I want passion. I want to be swept away in someones touch and burnt by the fire in a kiss. i want to feel like I'm his priority, not his last resort. I want to be happy and giddy, and silly. I want that excited feeling in my stomach when I see his face. I want to know that late at night, when he is lying awake in bed, its because he cant stop thinking about me. I want it all.
I'm a fairy tale kind of girl. I know its probably stupid and very unhealthy, but I cant help it. I know that some where out there, there is a guy who is waiting for someone like me to come into his life. And when it happens it will be just like the movies. Cool and clam, yet electric and passionate all at the same time. I'm willing to wait for it. Its just such a lonely wait...
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