Wanna know what I think? I think that every once in a while life likes to test us. Yup, it likes to present us with these battles that sometimes feel like they just can not be won! We try, and we try and we try, but no matter what we feel like we cant see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Now, You wanna know what I really think... I think that these tests, these tribulations we all go through are simply life's way of showing us who we are and what we are really capable of. Some people cant handle these tests and crumble under pressure. Some people could get out of these predicaments if they tried but they don't. They keep things just the way they are. They like this constant state of crisis. It makes them feel like their lives are worth something. And I guess that's fine, if that's the kind of life you want to live. There are those who ignore these problems and eventually end up bubbling over one day. Then there are the people who face these issues, head on, scared as shit but not backing down. Its hard and it hurts, and sometimes you just wanna say eff this and quit, crumble. But they don't. My dad is this kind of person. And I look up to him for that. He is strong and stubborn and unwilling to fail, even just for a second. And if he accomplishes nothing else in his life, hes accomplished making me that kind of person. At least I'd like to hope so.
I look at where I am in my life and I feel somewhat conflicted. I know that I have had tons of help and I have always been supported in every aspect of my life. I've been extremely lucky and blessed. But I also see that a lot of the things I've done in my life I've done for myself, through hard work and pain and hurt and eventually triumph.
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'"
I look at all the things that hurt me in this life, and I feel like each one is a lesson. Maybe I'm alone because I was becoming to dependent on other people. Maybe all of these things that are stressing me out are actually good. I'm confident that life is teaching me how to be the person I am meant to be right now. After all of this I will be a strong, willing, independent person. I kind of feel like there's a light at each end of this tunnel right now. Maybe I'm half way there. I can decide to go back and try to live like I used to, which obviously wasn't doing too much for me. Or I can keep pushing forward and eventually bask in the warmth of the light at the end. And I know this wont be the only hard time in my life, That I'm quite sure of. But at least after this I know that I can keep facing the tests that life puts me through. And Ill tell you one thing... I will always, always come out a better more beautiful person than before.
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