The pail glow of the rainbow lights hanging on the branches of our Christmas tree cast a dim illumination around me. The fire is popping and cracking away. A romantic movie on TV. I'm all bundled up on the couch with a glass of wine, and Ricco snoozing right beside me. With all this beauty around me, I should be as content as can be. But I guess that's why they say the holidays are so hard. Its the perfect time to be reminded of how alone you are.
Couples swoon as they window shop at the malls and shops around town. People plan ways to make the people in their lives happy. Even at work I cant escape it. Couples come in for romantic candle light dinners, and it makes me want it all.
This time last year I was in something resembling a relationship... but it wasn't what I wanted. There was no overly romantic holiday moments. The ones that make singles sick and couples fall deeper in love. And I found comfort in the idea that things couldn't stay like this for long. I was sure that by this year I would have found happiness. Yet here I am, as lost as ever, if not more.
I would give anything to go back to the days when I was a kid. When I really believed that a cute chubby man all dressed in red, with a beard as white as snow was going to come down the chimney and bring me everything I could ever want.
But we all know how that goes...
So here's my Christmas wish this year...
I wish that that this new year will bring new beginnings. I wish that me and all of the people I love will find peace and happiness in everything we do. But most of all I wish that I can find my way back home. I wish I can find myself again, and be the person I know I am.
Well, here's to another year come and gone. Here's to the hope of the new year. And I hope everyone has a beautiful and magical holiday.
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