So...here I am again, sitting home alone, thinking. Which we all know can be pretty dangerous for me. But recently my mind has been on a strange track. I cant seem to stop thinking about the future. My senior year in the band is quickly coming to a close( only one more home game!!) and its really got me kinda freaked out. I feel like I'm graduating high school again or something. I think about the fact that this amazing experience is almost over makes me sooo sad! I feel like I'm gonna be loosing so many important people in my life. All of my friends, people who have been supporting me, people I've spent so much time in the last 4 years with. these people, my tuba boys, they have become my family! And the fact that I'm gonna be leaving them makes me feel like I'm gonna be loosing a part of myself. 

then on top of that, I'm scared out of my mind! What is my life gonna be like once this is all over? I put so much of my time into this and I feel like it makes up so much of my life and who I am. What am I gonna do? Who am I gonna be now? As much as I'm tired and burnt out, and just ready to not have to worry about 6:09am call times and uniform melt downs, I don't know if I'm ready to let go of the experience. But I know that I have to. I cant stay, I cant drag myself through another season. I've gotten what I needed out of all of this and now its time to move on. I need to do something with my life. Its time to really buckle down and make the decisions that will shape the rest of my life. 

Its been an amazing ride. I'll never forget this part of my life. I will forever look back on these years and smile because it made me so happy and miserable and special and crazy all at once. Ill never forget the people who made it amazing. And I know I will always secretly wish I could come back to this time, this moment that I realized how beautiful this crazy experience has been. Ill always wish I could go back and slow these years down and cherish every second of it. 

So here's to the most amazing thing I've ever done. Here's to moving on to bigger and brighter things. Here's to figuring out who I am and loving the next chapter of my life as much as I loved this one.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"

~ Elinor Roosevelt