The good old days...

I remember back when I was a kid and I used to LOVE Halloween. We would go to school and there was candy and parties and all our friends where there. I remember coming home and helping my mom decorate the house. We would spread the fake spider webs, and ghosts, around the front yard. then we would all sit around the table, all covered with news papers, and carve pumpkins. Then my dad would put the candles in them and set them on the planters in the front and my sister and I would change into our costumes. My mom would do our hair and make up and we would always look so cool. Then a whole group of the neighbor kids and parents would get together and we would all go walking through the neighborhood, trick or treating. We knew all the neighbors, and they all new us. It was like a giant block party. We didn't have to worry about poisoned candy, and kidnapping. It was just everyone being happy and having a good time. Then we would all gather at one of our friends houses and have a pot luck dinner. Home made tacos, soup, BBQ, tons of awesome food. Then we would all go home, change back into our regular old selves, crawl into our nice warm beds, and sleep.

Those were the good old days... 

Now as I sit here, alone again, in the house that my dad is supposed to believing in with me, and I cant help but be a little sad. I really wish things could be like that again. I remember just always feeling like things were just right on days like that. Like even though everything could be going terribly wrong, at least on nights like this, we could all just be happy. But now, its all just broken homes, and non existent families. There is no feeling of belonging or togetherness, just a strange emptiness where only the ache for those days remains. 

Don't get me wrong, I understand that things change. I know I'm a grown up now and obviously these things aren't going to be the same as when I was 10, but why do they have to be so unrecognizable? It may as well not even be a holiday for me. It feels like a normal everyday Monday night. 

Oh well, I guess this is just another step. One day when I have my own kids, I'm sure ill look back at these years and wonder why I was so dramatic. haha So again, Ill remind myself...its all gonna be ok.

Back to normal...

Its been a pretty long time sense my last entry, mostly because for about the last week and a half I have pretty much been going going going non stop. I got an awesome new job! So I was in training for about a week for that, ALL DAY EVERY DAY! But I love it, so I cant complain too much. And honestly, this new job kinda feels like it may be the starting point of a good time in my life.

 I'm finally doing something I like, at a good place, with good people. It just makes me happier, so now I feel happier in the other parts of my life:) I went on my first real date, in a very long time. With a pretty cool guy. I don't know if its gonna go anywhere or not, but just the fact that it happened was kinda cool(as lame as that sounds lol). My dad and I moved into a new house, so I finally feel like I belong somewhere again. I feel like things may actually be going my way! I just feel like I'm me again. For the first time in a long time, I look in the mirror and can actually recognize myself again. 

So now that I'm officially out of whatever funk I've been in for the last few months, Ive come up with a plan... Come spring semester I'm really gonna crack down and get back on track with school. I'm gonna start saving money so I can get into my own place by next year.  And I'm gonna work on just being happy and enjoying my life. I just really want to get my life back to normal.